You are here

Deathtime Achievement Award Goes to U.S. Agency!

Submitted by Thinking CAP on Thu, May 20, 2010 - 7:29 pm

An as-of-yet unnamed organization has awarded its “Deathtime Achievement Award for Sitting in the Seat of God” to the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency.  Yes, you read that right!  Said the spokesperson, “calling it a ‘lifetime achievement award’ would not be fitting, for obvious reasons.”

In horror of their Deathtime Achievement Award a new saying was recognized, brought to light, to the “DEAth degree,” (pronounced “death degree”).  As a replacement for “nth degree” one uses DEAth degree for the multitude of lose-lose situations. Including avoidable loss of life, gratuitous destruction, Epic Fails, human-manufactured terror and shame that exists solely to scare people instead of educate them, etc…

The Deathtime Achievement Award for Sitting in the Seat of God is awarded for such actions and behaviors as the following (to be added to as time permits):

  • For creating and maintaining a “DAMN GOD TO HELL for Making These Plants and Substances” list and trying to murder every plant off the face of the earth to create the impossible-to-achieve Drug Free World.
  • For recognizing that skin color equates with moral turpitude.
  • For kidnapping thousands of children from their families.
  • For killing thousands of family pets.
  • For killing and imprisoning thousands of breadwinners.
  • For invading other countries and acting above their laws or forcing laws down their throats.
  • For overseeing the deaths, torture, and imprisonment of hundreds of thousands in other countries.
  • For repeatedly lying to Congress, the Courts, the Executive Branch and the very citizens themselves.
  • For doing the very things they claim to hate.
  • For leading others into temptation
  • For preventing scientific research from taking place.
  • For smuggling tons of heroin, cocaine, meth, marijuana, and more into the U.S. and other countries.
  • For burying the truth.
  • For preventing sick people from obtaining relief.
  • For preventing religious people from obtaining sacramental plants.
  • For completely ignoring the teachings of Jesus, yet acting morally superior.
  • For ensuring the enslavement of future generations — to the DEAth generation — to foreign lenders because no price is too high when it comes to building weapons, building and running prisons, invading foreign countries and sending kids to their deaths, and brainwashing the public with lies.

In Closing

Let's pray.
Heavenly Father, please bless us all! Please bless the Prohibitionists. Please lead us to repentance!  Please shut down this agency.  Please teach us the awesomeness of your love and creation.  Please teach the truth that you are the only one to be feared, not humans.  Please teach religious leaders to instruct in the ways of truth, love, gentleness, and humility.  Please help us cast out the spirits of Prohibition.

God, please help them stop seeing the world as “us versus them,” thus creating a sick Pygmalion effect.  

Please strengthen the timid among them who know what is right, but are afraid to speak out, or quit. 

In the cleansing name and blood of Jesus we pray.