You are here

Humor

We Like Our Self-Fulfilling Prophecies Better Than We Like Your Self-Fulfilling Prophecies

Submitted by Thinking CAP on Thu, Apr 17, 2014 - 12:26 am

The champions and promoters of death, stigma, lies, and pain screamed in faces, over the airwaves, and in the oldspapers about their lust for continued undeserved, unconstitutional, and un-Biblical power over others.

Fruit Flies Self Medicate with Alcohol

Submitted by Thinking CAP on Fri, Feb 24, 2012 - 2:55 am

In a bizarre twist, the news outlet I’ve taken to calling the Pwned By Sadists Inside the Möbius Beltway Hour published an interesting finding.

Apparently fruit flies drink alcohol to self medicate. It keeps them safe from parasites. Some of you may be thinking, “I’ve heard of that: absinthe, the wormwood in absinthe is well known to flush intestinal parasites.” But that’s only partly what is at work, based on my understanding of this report.

When was the last time DrugFree.org published the results of urine-testing their Executive Officers?

Submitted by Thinking CAP on Fri, Jan 6, 2012 - 7:11 pm
Never — Why get caught?
0% (0 votes)
Never — It’s easier to avoid the horrendous embarrassment of false positives that way!
0% (0 votes)
Never — What business is it of yours?! We demand to test you! How dare you question us?!
0% (0 votes)
Never — We are pure as Congressman Souder, Pastor Haggard, etc…! You can see how much we hate a thing by our railing against it!
0% (0 votes)
Once per Century
0% (0 votes)
Once per Decade
0% (0 votes)
Once per Year
0% (0 votes)
Once per Month
0% (0 votes)
Once per Week
0% (0 votes)
Once per Day
0% (0 votes)
Total votes: 0

When was the last time DrugFree.org published the results of urine-testing their Board of Directors?

Submitted by Thinking CAP on Fri, Jan 6, 2012 - 7:08 pm
Never — I didn’t sign up for this! I’m rich, you sure ain’t gonna stare at me while I pee!
0% (0 votes)
Never — It’s easier to avoid the horrendous embarrassment of false positives that way!
0% (0 votes)
Never — What business is it of yours?! We demand to test you! How dare you question us?!
0% (0 votes)
Never — We are pure as Congressman Souder, Pastor Haggard, etc…! You can see how much we hate a thing by our railing against it!
0% (0 votes)
Once per Century
0% (0 votes)
Once per Decade
0% (0 votes)
Once per Year
0% (0 votes)
Once per Month
0% (0 votes)
Once per Week
0% (0 votes)
Once per Day
0% (0 votes)
Total votes: 0

When was the last time DrugFree.org published the results of urine-testing their Employees?

Submitted by Thinking CAP on Fri, Jan 6, 2012 - 7:05 pm
Never — What do you think they are, Olympic gold medal winners? Presidents? Authors? Successful business people?
0% (0 votes)
Never — It’s easier to avoid the horrendous embarrassment of false positives that way!
0% (0 votes)
Never — What business is it of yours?! We demand to test you! How dare you question us?!
0% (0 votes)
Never — We are pure as Congressman Souder, Pastor Haggard, etc…! You can see how much we hate a thing by our railing against it!
0% (0 votes)
Once per Century
0% (0 votes)
Once per Decade
0% (0 votes)
Once per Year
0% (0 votes)
Once per Month
0% (0 votes)
Once per Week
0% (0 votes)
Once per Day
0% (0 votes)
Total votes: 0

Loony Laws from the Power Mongers, People with Friends in Business, and the Holier-Than-Thou-Congregation

Submitted by Thinking CAP on Fri, May 7, 2010 - 6:32 pm

Loony Laws book cover Perhaps you do not know that you — and those you love — are breaking many laws of the United States of America!  Just imagine if the poor police had to carry around the full text of every law that exists and had to enforce them.

In this series of articles you will find a growing list of "Loony Laws" which clearly originated from people who love to lord authority over others (1, 2, 3), or had friends in business they tried to channel money to, and even members of the Holier-Than-Thou-Congregation who believe it's their duty to force their version of religion on others.

One of the sources will be a children's book entitled, "Loony Laws… That You Never Knew You Were Breaking," by Robert Wayne Pelton. There is a picture of the book's cover on the right. The book is a riot, but since it's directed at kids it doesn't go into much detail on the background of the laws. And Mr. Pelton is so clearly fascinated with his long list of loony laws that even the Preface and Introduction are chock full of loony laws, at the expense of background information about himself, those who supplied him with these laws, what's being done about them, how they are handled, and other "About" information it traditionally provided in those sections of books.

But don't let my somewhat harsh-sounding summary above keep you from following along here, or checking it out — if you can spare the money for a copy of the book, or it's in your library — it is definitely worth locating and reading. This is from the end of the Introduction:

But relevant or ridiculous, these statues are still around — unless they've been repealed indirectly by blanket or collective legislation.

Most of these strange laws were obtained from friends, associates, attorneys, and people met in passing while I traveled around the country. Many other legal oddities have been patiently assembled during my excursions throughout the world.

Other sources will be referenced as appropriate.

Pages

Subscribe to RSS - Humor